Doomed
I know that I never had a chance. As if that were supposed to make it easier. As if to be doomed from the beginning makes it somehow less of a tragedy. No fault, just fate, if such a thing exists.
But let me put it another way. One month ago, Michael wrote to me, or rather replied to me, answering a question I put to him. His answer was “The only thing that can break your heart is the right and necessary course of action.”
There are two possible ways to intepret this. One is to say that love is so indomitable, so persevering, that we will only allow it to die if we are utterly powerless in the situation.
The other is simply to assume that heartbreak is inevitable.
Also in my message to Michael, which seems scarily prescient now, I quoted Galway Kinnell: “This is the nightmare you wake screaming from: being forever in the pre-trembling of a house that falls.” Maybe we are cursed from the beginning, but maybe that is all the more reason to struggle until the end.