This is Alternate Stories I Could Tell When People Ask About My Recently-Broken Wrist, an entry originally posted on May 4, 2003 in the blog nebulose.net. In chronological order, before this was Prostitute. After this comes Saturated. If you're lost, I recommend the about page.

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Alternate Stories I Could Tell When People Ask About My Recently-Broken Wrist

I was racing in yesterday’s Kentucky Derby and my ridiculous beast of a horse, foaming at the mouth from an overdose of insane horse steroids, bucked and threw me headlong into a popcorn vender’s cart. The tasty but naturally nutritious snack caught me and prevented my neck from breaking, but my left forearm got snagged on the neck of the butter pump, simultaneously breaking my wrist and spraying hot salted butter into my eyes.

I was saving the world from a Dastardly Death Beam put in geosynchronous orbit by criminal masterminds; evil henchmen intercepted me and strapped me to a steel table where a red-hot laser sought to bisect me by advancing slowly toward my manhood. In order to correctly aim my gadget watch to save myself and the unsuspecting denizens of the biosphere, I had to break my own wrist. That’s the part they have to edit out for you in the movies, folks.

I took my private jet to Amsterdam but foolishly forgot to wear my Ultra Disguise™ sunglasses. Instantly, hundreds of buxom Nordic vixens thronged the street to gaze upon my Adonis-like visage. When I rebuked them—sorry ladies, this one’s taken—they combined, in Voltronic fashion, into some kind of unstoppable sex beast. (I escaped with minor injuries, but judging by the evening news, the nation of Holland is in a bad way.)

I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and running really fast backwards and fell on an orange safety cone.

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Comments

L-M-F-A-O.

Posted by Bax at May 4, 2003 10:12 AM :: Link

ROFLMAO OMFG BEST EVAR

Posted by Ryuko at May 4, 2003 5:57 PM :: Link

hehe very hilarious

Note to self: Nordic vixen not best intimate role playing idea…

teehee

Posted by Becca at May 4, 2003 7:51 PM :: Link

To quote the famous Mitch…

“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.”

Applies for Transformer-like Sex Goddess activity.

Posted by Ryuko at May 4, 2003 9:18 PM :: Link

wow

Posted by sylvia at May 4, 2003 9:53 PM :: Link

Not just fell - flew. Off the cone, that. Like, woosh FLYING THROUGH THE AIR WITH THE GREATEST OF EAS-*thudlaughow*

Posted by Ryuko at May 6, 2003 10:23 AM :: Link

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